D52 Week 21: Robin Hood!

Part of me has to wonder if I would've enjoyed Robin Hood more if I hadn't first watched it now, in the continuing presence of the Tea Party movement. No matter how much of a twat Prince John was, no matter how totally justified everyone in the story was in their stances on the issue, there's still a bit of reflexive eye-rollingness now every time I hear one of these characters complaining about being overtaxed by our strawman villains. Such is how history works, I suppose, as the reasoned objections of long ago become sullied by contemporary pettiness, time and time again, worn down by the Satire Treadmill. (The pre-eminent target of the Satire Treadmill these days, of course, is Hitler, who went from being one of history's greatest monsters, to being a comical and/or provocative reference point to compare every mildly annoying politician anywhere to.) But it's not the film's fault that I'm watching it in a year where the subject matter is just a little wearying, is it? Of course it isn't. I won't have to look too far to find legitimate flaws, though.

Continuing on from last week now: STEP TWO in Disney's identity crisis is to artistically cannibalize itself. Not only do characters in this film repeat animation sequences rather often (the Sheriff smugly flipping a gold coin comes to find as an example that sticks out fairly obviously), but they even essentially recycle animation from other Disney films, presumably quickly traced as a budgetary measure. "The Phony King of England" is particularly filthy with this. Director Wolfgang Reitherman had a habit of doing this anyway, but because Robin Hood was a particularly cheap production, I don't think he ever does it as much as he did here. Even past characters are fairly transparently recycled! Sir Hiss, the snake with powers of hypnosis, is essentially Kaa from The Jungle Book, albeit with a different voice actor. Little John is an even more transparent bit of recycling, sounding EXACTLY like Baloo. Because Phil Harris can literally only do that one voice, you see. In a far more minor case, I'm pretty sure the vultures here are the same vultures from The Jungle Book, too. Jesus, they might as well have just re-released The Jungle Book instead of bothering with this "new" film!!

But let's talk about Sir Hiss for just a second. The strangest thing about him isn't that he's Kaa's Medieval twin. No, not at all. The ACTUAL strangest thing about him is that he's animated with FUR. Awwwww, look at those adorable little fuzzy cheeks! On a snake! What a cuddly little abomination he is!

And then you get the idea that the production team secretly wished the Robin Hood lore took place in rural America, for some reason. The Sheriff of Nottingham's evilness is only matched by his Southern folksiness, and Rooster Alan-a-Dale is, basically, a country singer under the gravely mistaken impression that the lute he's carrying is actually a guitar. (And somehow our ears are in on the delusion, too.) In fact, if you counted them all up, you'd probably find that there are MORE rural American-accented characters than there are characters with English accents of any possible sort. Even though this takes place in England. Actually, a solid majority of the Disney films we've experienced thus far have had almost completely arbitrary European settings that they weren't too terribly interested in following through on. Maybe it just feels even more egregious here because the European backdrop is even more significant to the story as usual. After all, they ARE dealing with an actual historical person here, in the form of Prince John. Here, he has been turned into a thumb-sucking furry with, perhaps, vague Oedipal undertones. History!

One thing Robin Hood theoretically has going for it, though, is a relatively coherent storyline. It's not at all disconnected like a lot of stuff has been recently. Which is good! Sadly, though, this singular focus doesn't mean that the story examines anything particularly deeply at all, because this is one of the most juvenile, shallow, and (for lack of a better word) cartoonish films Disney has released up to this point. You see, it's hard to imagine a film from any of the studio's brighter days producing a film that spends THIS MUCH TIME just having characters chaotically run around to the accompaniment of particularly half-hearted early 70s guitar riffs - which, might I add, is at odds with BOTH the 12th century setting, and the rural American, um, sub-setting. It's all so very child-friendly that it's kind of off-putting when Little John is suddenly threatening to murder Prince John by plunging a knife into his back. (By the way, I know this isn't Disney's fault, either, but having two different characters named John is just silly.) And then we conclude the film with a callback to the "outlaw for an in-law" joke, which is pretty weak to go out on. Bah.

Look, it's not like I HATE Robin Hood or anything. Robin Hood doesn't do enough to inspire hatred. It aims primarily to just be rather middle-of-the-road, and it does just enough to achieve precisely that. It's not a disaster, it's just very much a cartoon, in the way that the best Disney films aren't. Hell, later in the film, there's a scene where Robin Hood disguises himself as a little lady, and even though it's a disguise we've already seen him in earlier, he still lifts his glasses so that we, the audience, can rest assured that this fox in the little old lady getup that Robin Hood wore earlier is, in fact, still Robin Hood! As m'dear Taylor pointed out, that means this film is playing on exactly the same intellectual level as Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog. Just, y'know, with considerably less gleeful insanity. And that......is sad.

TERRIBLE AND UNNECESSARY DISNEY DIRECT-TO-DVD SEQUEL IDEA OF THE WEEK, EVEN THOUGH THEY GAVE UP ON MAKING THOSE, LIKE, FIVE YEARS AGO: TERRIBLY USELESSLY UNNECESSARY ABANDONED DIRECT-TO-DVD DISNEY SEQUEL CONCEPT OF THE WEEK: In Robin Hood II: The Wrath of Prince John, Robin Hood and Whatshername and The Other Guy have decided to leave King Richard's idyllic new England, for some reason, to return to a life on the run in Nottingham Forest, because the divisiveness of British society just can't compare to the harmonious unity of the being forest-dwelling outlaws, or something. Obviously, Prince John is less than thrilled. (Oh yeah, he's alive and he lives in the forest now.) He kidnaps Friar Tuck's top monkey scientists and forces them to construct a time machine for him. He then uses this time machine to travel back in time to the days where everyone was still an adorable Nottingham Forest cub, with the intention of causing a rift between them that would last a lifetime, thus preventing Robin Hood from wanting to move back. (No, it doesn't particularly make sense.) And, for awhile, his plan is working! In the present, Robin Hood and his friends begin to fade out of existence (?), prompting Little John (now played by George Wendt) to put the pieces together and realise what must be done. Little John forces the monkey scientists to build another time machine so he, too, can go back in time, where he tracks down modern-day Prince John and takes him to see Younger Prince John. This reminds Prince John that he, too, used to be everybody's fwiend - and, as such, so too must he be everyone's friend in the present. To celebrate his realization, everyone sings along to a begrudgingly catchy mid-nineties hip-hoppish version of, um, I dunno, "The Phony King of England"? But Prince John would probably be offended by that. God, I dunno. Whatever.