I don't mean to imply that Disney is inherently untrustworthy like that, though....yes, they definitely are, actually. Mostly, though, what I'm saying is that the dude was, y'know, THE STAR OF THE ENTIRE FREAKING MOVIE. Sure, it's named Aladdin, after its main character, but he's certainly not charismatic enough to really be the star, exactly. (He's voiced by Scott Weinger, who is cosmically not allowed to be the star of anything, after all!) There's a romance of some sort going on here, and some power plays - both political and magickal - by none-too-subtly-darker-skinned-than-everyone-else villains, and best of all a MONKEY, but Disney isn't fooling anyone. This film exists so that people can listen to Robin Williams improv without actually having to look at Robin Williams himself. If only they'd do that to him now, in the present day, after he's decided to abandon all pretence of being anything but a hairy, disgusting gorilla...
It's really easy, then, to see how one's opinion of Aladdin depends pretty heavily on one's own personal tolerance of Robin Williams. When I was a kid, I LOVED this movie, because I loved HIM. (Not in THAT way.) He was loud, and he said so many things so fast that I just assumed they had to be funny, even though I didn't know for sure at the time, because - again - I was just a child, after all! And, well, to be frank, I'm less enthusiastic about him today. Could it just be that he's less novel today, now that a lot of comedy seems to move hyperactively fast almost by default? Could it be my general fatigue with the sort of comedy that passes random pop culture references off as jokes in and of themselves? (How appropriate, then, that Family Guy recently devoted an entire segment to Robin Williams bashery, without even once seeming self-aware that they do the same freaking thing!) Or maybe it's that I just don't hold a lot of respect for semi-notorious joke thieves. He's likeable enough, but I'm not an enthusiast these days, is what I'm saying. Personally, I think Robin Williams works best when he's restrained, when he's putting all of that manic focus into taking command of a single role, as opposed to just flailing around and doing literally anything and everything that comes to mind. And, well, the Genie is pretty much Robin Williams at his least restrained. It's not that his shtick isn't amusing enough, but - here's the thing - every single tangent he goes off on really detracts from the intended feeling that this is, y'know, a movie, with an actual story. Instead, it comes across as an oddly family-friendly collection of Robin Williams stand-up, with discordant bits of plot scattered about inbetween.
In fact, just about the entire Disney Renaissance after Beauty and the Beast seems to suffer from some variant of this sort of conundrum - they're just not sure what sort of tone they want to have, at all. (So, get used to me pointing that out repeatedly in the comic weeks, as though it's still insightful each and every time!) Disney continues their impressive string of well-cast villains with Jafar, whom Jonathan Freeman endows with just the right amount of creepy level-headedness....which is then completely spoiled by the casting of Gilbert Gottfried as his comic relief sidekick. Yes, the *idea* of Gilbert Gottfried as a parrot is an amusing concept. He's clearly someone destined to play very unpleasant birds! He's just maybe not meant to play one in a situation where it undermines an otherwise compelling villain at every possible turn. The weird thing - and maybe this is just me - is that I actually found myself laughing more at Jafar's deadpan bitchyisms than anything Iago said, despite ostensibly being the comedic part of the duo. (Question for real-life parrot owners: Are they as unenthusiastic about cracker eatermanship as Iago was? Do they, too, sometimes plot about turning the tables and cramming them down us tyrannical humans' throats?)
...of course, Jafar loses a lot of his awesomeness in the magic-powered finale, where he is required to immediately start acting like a total moron, just to keep the plot moving. (And why does being imprisoned inside a lamp automatically undo all of his evil magicking, anyway?)
Shall I dig more into our main characters who we're supposed to care about because they're hormonal teenagers and they totally want to do things to each other, sexually, and that's romantic, I guess? Well, Aladdin's just a dick, to be honest. He's a dick, even if you look past the fact that he takes at least two, maybe three, lives during the chase scene/musical number that serves as his introduction to the audience, not to mention his Sphinx vandalism during "A Whole New World"! He's dickish even without all the wanton musical death and destruction, because he spends the entire movie lying, to everybody, all the time, constantly. While it's acceptable enough when he's just doing it to survive - Agrabah's economy is almost as pathetic as Detroit's....almost - it makes him thoroughly unlikeable when he's doing it to ostensibly loved ones too, especially when Jasmine has him pretty much figured out and clearly doesn't believe his lie that he's still stubbornly sticking to anyway. Then again, can you blame him for lying to this chick? Jasmine is, honestly, kind of offensive, the sort of female character that comes about only as a group of male writers' idea of what constitutes one of them there "strong women" that are all the rage now! And, in the eyes of people like that, being a "strong woman" entails being a humourless screeching owl who will claw your eyes out no matter what you try to say. It's one thing if she's lashing out against an actual injustice, but when she's lashing out against everyone, all the time, no matter how sympathetic they are....yeah. Like the Sultan! He's such an ineffectual buffoon that you have to love him! (Like the Judge from the Phoenix Wright games!) Which is to say that, when Aladdin tells the Genie about how "fun" she is, I have no idea what the hell he's talking about! He must be thinking of a different Princess Jasmine of Agrabah.
So, long story short, we're left with a film where the most likeable and compelling characters are a grotesque sociopath, a carpet, and a monkey who communicates entirely through monkey noises. Yes, everybody loves monkeys, and Taylor restored my faith in carpetry, and we are undoubtedly living in THE age of sociopathy, so it all sounds fine and dandy, but trust me, if that's what you were looking for, you'd be disappointed by the lack of adorable but emotionless lower primates callously disregarding the rights of intricately woven Middle Eastern rugs. Which is to say, they're not major characters. But, if you have a Robin Williams fetish, then boy, is this the film for you!
TERRIBLE AND HORRIBLE AND EVEN-MORE-WORTHLESS-THAN-THOSE-THAT-ALREADY-EXIST DIRECT-TO-DVD DISNEY SEQUEL OF THE WEEK: I bet you were wondering how married life has been treating Aladdin, right? Well, a very special direct-to-DVD crossover, Aladdin and the King of Queens, reveals that it's not going so very well, because marriage hasn't changed the fact that Jasmine is a hot-but-intolerable shrew! Fortunately, with a little help from his good friend Kevin James, he just might be able to figure out how to make this work yet! Meanwhile, reeling on his fame from being peripherally involved in Aladdin's exploits, Iago decides to bring some mirth and merriment to Agrabah by entering the world of stand-up comedy. Unfortunately, his routine doesn't go over well, because he tastelessly makes references to unspecified recent tragedies. All seems lost until he gets the most brilliant idea ever - he'll win the audiences back, by retelling the story of the Disney classic, The Aristocats!
(Yes, this was rather late. Fuck you, CenturyLink.)
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